Boi-oi-oing!

This is brilliant. BRILLIANT.

Team Ninja’s girls have had bouncing boobs since the very first Dead Or Alive arcade game. It’s been a staple of Team Ninja games ever since. But this is the first time I can think of a game that gives you direct control over a lady’s jumblies.

I can barely wrap my head around how earth-shaking this is. Don’t you understand how incredible this feature will be? With both Microsoft and Sony working on new motion-control systems it’s only a matter of time until we’ll be making groping motions in the air and virtual ladies & gents will react with virtual glee…or shock! Oh man, I can’t wait to fondle some digital people!

The Gamestop-exclusive Collector’s Edition of NGS2 comes with an 80-page book and a soundtrack CD. That’s all well and good. But the kicker is that if you pre-order the game you get a special download-only costume. That’s great too. The problem I have with this damn costume is that it’s not for one of the game’s femme fatales. It’s just a bland set of costumery for the game’s protagonist dude Ryu Hayabusa.

This is from the people that brought us the genital-tickling costumes in the Dead or Alive games? Where’s the zazz, the naughty, the T&A? People wondered if Team Ninja would change after former head Tomonobu Itagaki left Tecmo. Well now we’ve got our answer and it’s a defeated-sounding “yes.”

For years the ladies of Team Ninja have been the hottest female characters in gaming. But now with Itagaki gone it looks like the Team’s focus has changed. Listen, I’d be all for it if this downloadable costume was a Speedo-clad Ryu. I’m happy as long as it’s sexy. But someone at Tecmo or Team Ninja seems to think that a lame piece of drapery is enough to entice a pre-order. Well see here, you corporate fools: You ain’t getting my money unless your company follows its traditions and gives me some sweet cheeks, pectorals or knockers to oogle.

C’mon, Team Ninja! Don’t you remember how it was when you gave the world the DoA Xtreme Beach Volleyball games? Sure, they were a mess to play, but dammit, they featured hot bikinis and girls “making friends with” girls. And the Ninja Gaiden games have Rachel. I mean, look at her, it’s Rachel! You guys couldn’t try to get my money by offering up a hotter outfit for her? And what about Ayane? She’s a playable character in NGS2 as well, and you’ve already got bikinis make for her from the volleyball games. Just port one of those over and let her fight demons in the nearly-nude. That’s why I’m at this party. Just gimme the tits!

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Anyway…I’m still looking forward to this game. But I’m sure not paying sixty bucks for it now that I know it’s not as titillating as it should be.  I think it’s great that Team Ninja has sexy characters in their games. I’m just bummed they’ve missed an opportunity to puch the envelope even more.