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Fighting game Soul Calibur: Broken Destiny is out on the PSP now.  I don’t have a PSP, so I can’t play it. But even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. Because, you see, this entry in the Soul Calibur franchise is missing one important factor. And his name is…….VOLDO!!!!

Voldo

Eye say! Hahahahaha!

Yes, one of the gayest video game characters ever created has been deleted from the latest installment of the long-running series. I don’t know who at Namco is responsible for this embarrassing and likely-homophobic oversight, but by golly, they’ll pay for it in the afterlife!

In honor of our gone-but-not-forgotten S&M hero, let’s take a look at a few images of him in all his glory.

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Capcom, you assholes! I can’t believe you tricked me into buying the Comic-Con-exclusive version of your Street Fighter IV FightStick when you knew you’d have a hotter “Femme Fatale” version at the Penny Arcade Expo! Just look at this foxy thing!

Street Fighter IV - Femme Fatale FightStick

Seriously, dudes, what the fuck? Not only does the design feature Crimson Viper’s tits, Sakura’s legs and Cammy’s ass, but it’s bordered in purple, my favorite color. The fiends!

Kotaku is reporting that these sticks won’t just be available at PAX, but you’ll also be able to buy them online. I guess I have no choice; now I have to buy a second stick!

For comparison, here’s the Comic-Con version:

Street Fighter IV - Comic-Con FightStick

And I was happy with this thing until I saw the sexy one. Fuckers!

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I respect this woman for her mind.

Batman: Arkham Asylum is out this week, and I was thinking you and I should take a moment to look at the hot hot hot redesigns of Batman villains Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. I was going to point out Ivy’s bare midsection, heavy bosoms and underwear made out of leaves, and Harley’s corset and skirt.

But dammit, while I was looking for images I came across a posting at Toronto Thumbs called Harley Quinn: Not A Sex Object and another posting at Feministing about the same subject. The Toronto Thumbs article accuses game journalists as misogynistic in their writings about Harley. The Feministing post goes a different way, accusing the game’s creators of not treating the character respectfully.

Poison Ivy“Shit,” thought I. “What’s a guy with a sex-in-video games blog supposed to do?” Is oogling sexed-up female characters in a game wrong? Is sexing them up to sell more copies of the game also wrong? What is right? These are the questions of our times!

Well I’ve done my thinking on the subject and here’s my conclusion: These are fictional characters. No one’s being exploited and no one’s getting their feelings hurt by being oogled. And you know what? Even if these were real people, they’d be actors, and actors are no strangers to being made into sex objects.

It’s fine with me if the game’s developers want to throw a little sex appeal into their product. Honestly, who is it hurting? I see nothing wrong with sexuality, whether it’s directed towards women or men.

"I will make love to this clown, discreetly and tender."

"I will make love to this clown, discreetly and tender."

And don’t think Arkham Asylum only sexes-up its women. Just take a look at what the game’s developers did to The Batman. Check out those bulging pecs, hard abs and rippling biceps! If any fictional character should feel exploited, it’s the game’s hero. They turned him into a total beefcake. You can’t even see the logo on his chest because his tits are so damn huge.

So fuck it. If I wanna drool over a video game character then, by golly, I’m gonna do so. Video game makers don’t create attractive characters on accident, and it’s certainly no secret why the most famous actors are also the most beautiful. Sex lives in our society constantly, and no one should be looked down upon for embracing it. And with that in mind, check out these hot shots of Harley and Ivy from Batman: Arkham Asylum!

And in case you were wondering what Poison Ivy looks like in action, check out this cinematic trailer:

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As I sit patiently waiting for the release of No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle (tentatively set at January 2010), I’d like to take this time to reflect on one of my favorite characters from the first game, Bad Girl.

Bad GirlYes, the 23-year-old drunken assassin with the frilly pink dress and flaming baseball bat holds a dear place in my heart. Her death came far too quickly. I can’t think of any other character dressed in so colorfully while also killing gimps in bondage gear. How wonderfully perverted! Like most of the assassins in No More Heroes, the game never explains who she is or where she comes from. They just let her be all kinds of crazy.

Let’s oogle some cosplayers dressed as her, shall we?

And in case you never played No More Heroes, here’s her full appearance in the game:

Damn, that’s smooth!

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Hey, remember the classic electronic game Simon? The one where you’d memorize the order and rhythm of flashing lights and then smack colored buttons? It was huge in the 80′s. Huge! So where has Simon been all these years, you ask? Well I’ve found it, at the unlikeliest of places: In a Subway restaurant, on a lady’s leg. See for yourself!

No, I didn’t talk to her. I didn’t want to seem like a total creep. Instead I discreetly took a photo of her legs. Like a total creep!

Fun possible fact: According to Wikipedia, “Simon was launched in 1978 at Studio 54 in New York City.” Even back then Simon was the life of the party!

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