Allow Me To Ramble About Racing Games

So yesterday I was checking out the news and I saw this picture:

Toyota was showing off their new hybrid-only Lexus. Does anything about this picture seem weird to you? I’ll give you a hint: What the fuck are those women doing there?? What they hell do they have to do with the car?

At first I was going to go on a rant about how models have nothing to do with automobiles. Or how using women to sell cars is inherently sexiest and there should be some muscle-bound hunks hanging out next to the vehicle. Or how putting models next to a car is some sleazy way of telling your subconscious that if you buy this car you’ll get laid. But then I realized something even better: Models standing next to cars are what’s right; driving video games are what’s wrong. Take a look at the following images and see if you can spot the difference:

Did you say the difference is “The games have no girls?” Well congratulations, smarty, you figured it out!

It’s occurred to me that sexy models are an integral part of the automobile industry. Just take a look at one of the many car enthusiast magazines out there and you’ll see enough hot ladies to make you think you’re in the “Men’s Interest” section.  The auto industry uses sex to sell their products just as much as the booze industry. So why are racing video games so sexually sterile?

Boooobsss Racer!

One could argue that racing games are just supposed to be about the speed. Or that simulators like Gran Turismo are essentially car porn already. But those arguments don’t take the real car industry into consideration. I would argue that any semi-realistic driving game that ignores the inherent sexuality of automobiles is not being true to its subject matter. Hell, Burnout Paradise is an amazing game, but it doesn’t even have people, let alone tantalizing models.

I say that there needs to be driving games that embrace the auto industry’s use of sex to sell its products. (No, Pimp My Ride doesn’t count.) The only racing series I can think of that even uses cover models is Ridge Racer. And honestly, who plays Ridge Racer anymore?

What the video game world needs is a car-selling simulator. Starting with the creation and design of the vehicle, the player would guide all aspects of bringing a new car to market, up to and including the hiring of sexy models to pimp the unholy contraption. The player could take the prototype out for tests drives to ensure the game keeps some racing aspects. And towards the end of the game players could direct their own photo shoots with hard-bodied models getting greased-up and prancing around the brand new vehicle. The more I think about this game, the more I realize how perfect this game would be. It would have action, strategy and sex appeal: The ultimate trifecta!

Enough about my wants. What do you think? Do you agree with me that driving games need more sex (of course, if you’re reading this site you probably do). What are your ideas? Leave a comment!